LEONARD NIMOY DIES AT 83.
by Virginia Heffernan, New York Times Feb 27, 2015
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/27/arts/television/leonard-nimoy-spock-of-star-trek-dies-at-83.html?_r=0
Leonard Nimoy, the sonorous, gaunt-faced actor who won a worshipful global following as Mr. Spock, the resolutely logical human-alien first officer of the Starship Enterprise in the television and movie juggernaut “Star Trek,” died on Friday morning at his home in the Bel Air section of Los Angeles. He was 83.
A MESSAGE FROM YOUR HOSTESS - Hello Kiddies -- Welcome to our fabulous cyberhome where we hope to entertain you with our delectable ramblings. Nothing too serious -- just whatever pops into our silly little head between laundry loads, dusting and a little vacuuming. Everything from the ridiculous to the sublime. So just sit yourself down in our gorgeously appointed living room and stay for a spell. But please remember to wipe your feet. (we just did the floors.) -- Air Kiss, HvR
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
For deliciously zany Christmas fun, pucker-up for 'THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT.'
Delectably, deliriously, dementedly awful, THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT is one of the very best Bad Movies of the '90s, no small accomplishment in a decade that also gave us Barb Wire, Boxing Helena, Color of Night and Showgirls.
The fun begins when Geena Davis, a demure, redheaded, schoolteaching single mother who suffers from amnesia and cannot recall having been the world's deadliest hired assassin eight years ago, collides with a reindeer. Voila. Davis begins to get hints of her previous vocation. In a dream sequence Sigmund Freud would have fired a patient for having, goody-two-shoes Davis stands atop a stormy cliff facing her sexy, bottle-blonde image in a mirror. "I want a cigarette," growls the tough-talkin' reflection, to which the nice Davis prissily replies, "I don't smoke." "Ya used to!" snaps the blonde. Director Renny Harlin chooses to cut from this all-too-revealing dream sequence to a dump truck picking up garbage (discuss meaning amongst yourselves).
Soon Davis's dark side starts cropping up during waking hours. The mere chopping of a carrot turns into a dicin', slicin' display of aggression that is, frankly, reminiscent of one of those infomercials for sharp cutlery. Whipping through every vegetable in the kitchen, Davis beams maniacally, "I used to do this. I'm a chef!" Perhaps not. When she nails a tomato to the wall with a perfectly tossed knife, her daughter and boyfriend are justifiably terrified. "Chefs do that," explains Davis. But later, when she tells her kid, who's just fractured a wrist, "Life is pain! Get used to it!" there's no pretending Davis's previous life was benevolent. To make the point even clearer, a one-eyed thug who knew hit woman Davis way back when breaks into the house and hits Davis on the head with a heavy pot, whereupon she knocks him out cold with a cream pie in the kisser, then breaks his neck, and, as her boyfriend watches, tastes the pie filling off the corpse, explaining, "Chefs do that."
The fun begins when Geena Davis, a demure, redheaded, schoolteaching single mother who suffers from amnesia and cannot recall having been the world's deadliest hired assassin eight years ago, collides with a reindeer. Voila. Davis begins to get hints of her previous vocation. In a dream sequence Sigmund Freud would have fired a patient for having, goody-two-shoes Davis stands atop a stormy cliff facing her sexy, bottle-blonde image in a mirror. "I want a cigarette," growls the tough-talkin' reflection, to which the nice Davis prissily replies, "I don't smoke." "Ya used to!" snaps the blonde. Director Renny Harlin chooses to cut from this all-too-revealing dream sequence to a dump truck picking up garbage (discuss meaning amongst yourselves).
Soon Davis's dark side starts cropping up during waking hours. The mere chopping of a carrot turns into a dicin', slicin' display of aggression that is, frankly, reminiscent of one of those infomercials for sharp cutlery. Whipping through every vegetable in the kitchen, Davis beams maniacally, "I used to do this. I'm a chef!" Perhaps not. When she nails a tomato to the wall with a perfectly tossed knife, her daughter and boyfriend are justifiably terrified. "Chefs do that," explains Davis. But later, when she tells her kid, who's just fractured a wrist, "Life is pain! Get used to it!" there's no pretending Davis's previous life was benevolent. To make the point even clearer, a one-eyed thug who knew hit woman Davis way back when breaks into the house and hits Davis on the head with a heavy pot, whereupon she knocks him out cold with a cream pie in the kisser, then breaks his neck, and, as her boyfriend watches, tastes the pie filling off the corpse, explaining, "Chefs do that."
Determined to discover the truth about her past, Davis hits the road with "low rent" private eye Samuel L. Jackson. While Jackson watches the classic Robert Altman film The Long Goodbye in a motel room the next evening (two characters are discussing cats, allowing Jackson to utter the line, "Yeah -- pussy is pussy"), Davis looks in a mirror in her room and again sees the skanky blonde version of herself, who suddenly reaches out from the mirror to try to kill her. Alas, she doesn't succeed.
All hell breaks loose when more bad guys from the past show up and try to extinguish Davis and Jackson. The attacks only serve to bring the amnesiac's deadly personality fully to the surface. Davis transforms the drab version of herself into a sleek blonde hit babe, who for some reason is wearing only a bathrobe and excessive eyeshadow. At the sight of a bloodstained arm bandage on Jackson, the new, true Davis suddenly opens her robe, flashes her bare bod at him, then rips off the bandage. "Same principle as deflowering virgins," she says. "I read it in this Harold Robbins book: guy bites her on the ear, distracts her from the pain. Ever try that?" "No," replies Jackson, "I sock 'em in the jaw and yell, 'Pop goes the Weasel!'" This spicy dialogue arouses Davis to pant in Jackson's ear, "I haven't had a date in eight years." Like the rest of us, Jackson isn't buying: "A beautiful white lady seducing the colored help? Get real, sweetheart. I ain't rich, I ain't handsome, and the last time I got blown, candy bars cost a nickel." Who says there's no longer a need for affirmative action?
The next day, a car full of killers chases Jackson, prompting Davis to strap on ice skates to outrace the speeding automobile and blast the villains. The mayhem reached a climax on Christmas Eve when Davis outwits her foes by (1) putting kerosene in a Betsy Wetsy-type doll, (2) taunting a knife-wielding killer with the line, "Oh honey, only four inches?" and, finally, (3) collapsing so that her daughter can reprise the innane line, "Life is pain! Get used to it!" At this point, you'll want to rewind to the scene that provided this movie with its place in Bad Moviedom. Yes, listen once again as Davis, driving an oil rig outfitted with a doomsday bomb, becomes the first (and, we'd bet, the last) action heroine to snarl at her opponents, "Suck my dick!"
Monday, July 13, 2015
a DELICIOUS return: David Letterman un-retires to deliver Top Ten List targeting "The Donald."
Some things are more important than retirement.
David Letterman was called back into action this weekend with a brand-new Top Ten List inspired by the recent presidential candidacy of Donald Trump.
Although he's been content since retiring as host of "Late Show" in May, Letterman called missing out on lampooning Trump's White House bid "the biggest mistake of my life."
Appearing with his pals Martin Short and Steve Martin at their live comedy show Friday night in San Antonio, he made up for lost time:
_____________________________________
10. That thing on his head was the gopher in "Caddyshack."
9. During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name.
8. Donald Trump looks like the guy in the lifeboat with the women and children.
7. He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head!
6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for a delusional, bull... Oh, no, wait, that's me.
5. Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds — 250 with cologne.
4. Trump would like all Americans to know that that thing on his head is free-range.
3. (tie) If President, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, he plans to evict a family on Thanksgiving. AND: That's not a hairdo — it's a wind advisory.
2. Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he's starring in a new movie entitled, "NO Amigos" (a reference to the 1986 comedy, "Three Amigos," that starred Short and Martin).
1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass.
David Letterman was called back into action this weekend with a brand-new Top Ten List inspired by the recent presidential candidacy of Donald Trump.
Although he's been content since retiring as host of "Late Show" in May, Letterman called missing out on lampooning Trump's White House bid "the biggest mistake of my life."
Appearing with his pals Martin Short and Steve Martin at their live comedy show Friday night in San Antonio, he made up for lost time:
_____________________________________
10. That thing on his head was the gopher in "Caddyshack."
9. During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name.
8. Donald Trump looks like the guy in the lifeboat with the women and children.
7. He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head!
6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for a delusional, bull... Oh, no, wait, that's me.
5. Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds — 250 with cologne.
4. Trump would like all Americans to know that that thing on his head is free-range.
3. (tie) If President, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, he plans to evict a family on Thanksgiving. AND: That's not a hairdo — it's a wind advisory.
2. Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he's starring in a new movie entitled, "NO Amigos" (a reference to the 1986 comedy, "Three Amigos," that starred Short and Martin).
1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass.
Friday, June 26, 2015
A delicious Landmark Victory: The Supreme Court Rules Same-Sex Marriage Legal Nationwide!
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/06/26/1396643/-Supreme-Court-Let-gay-wedding-bells-ring-from-sea-to-shining-sea?detail=email
The Supreme Court struck down marriage bans nationwide Friday in a 5-4 decision authored by Justice Anthony Kennedy, the fourth landmark ruling advancing LGBT rights he has written.
In the decision, the justices affirmed that same-sex couples can indeed marry in every state in the union.
The case, Obergefell v. Hodges, centered on legal challenges on behalf of lesbian and gay individuals from four states in the Sixth Circuit who sought the same constitutional guarantees afforded to different-sex couples couples who unite their lives in marriage.
The decision follows public opinion, with several recent polls showing that about 60 percent of Americans support same-sex marriage rights.
(And naturally, FOX NEWS's coverage has got to be seen to be believed.)
7:07 AM PT: Here's the link to Kennedy's opinion: http://www.supremecourt.gov/...
7:15 AM PT: Tweet from President Obama: "Today is a big step in our march toward equality. Gay and lesbian couples now have the right to marry, just like anyone else. #LoveWins"
7:19 AM PT: From the opinion: "These considerations lead to the conclusion that the right to marry is a fundamental right inherent in the liberty of the person, and under the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment couples of the same-sex may not be deprived of that right and that liberty. The Court now holds that same-sex couples may exercise the fundamental right to marry."
7:42 AM PT: From the opinion: "No union is more profound than marriage, for it embod- ies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family... It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be con- demned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right."
8:05 AM PT: Plaintiff Jim Obergefell at the steps of the Supreme Court: "It's my hope that the term 'gay marriage' will soon be a thing of the past—that from this day forward, it will simply be called 'marriage.'"
8:26 AM PT: Obergefell also talks about the events in Charleston: "My heart is also in Charleston. These past few weeks and months have been an important reminder that discrimination in many forms is alive and well in America... [that] progress for some is not progress for all."
The Supreme Court struck down marriage bans nationwide Friday in a 5-4 decision authored by Justice Anthony Kennedy, the fourth landmark ruling advancing LGBT rights he has written.
In the decision, the justices affirmed that same-sex couples can indeed marry in every state in the union.
The case, Obergefell v. Hodges, centered on legal challenges on behalf of lesbian and gay individuals from four states in the Sixth Circuit who sought the same constitutional guarantees afforded to different-sex couples couples who unite their lives in marriage.
The decision follows public opinion, with several recent polls showing that about 60 percent of Americans support same-sex marriage rights.
(And naturally, FOX NEWS's coverage has got to be seen to be believed.)
7:07 AM PT: Here's the link to Kennedy's opinion: http://www.supremecourt.gov/...
7:15 AM PT: Tweet from President Obama: "Today is a big step in our march toward equality. Gay and lesbian couples now have the right to marry, just like anyone else. #LoveWins"
7:19 AM PT: From the opinion: "These considerations lead to the conclusion that the right to marry is a fundamental right inherent in the liberty of the person, and under the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment couples of the same-sex may not be deprived of that right and that liberty. The Court now holds that same-sex couples may exercise the fundamental right to marry."
7:42 AM PT: From the opinion: "No union is more profound than marriage, for it embod- ies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family... It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be con- demned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right."
8:05 AM PT: Plaintiff Jim Obergefell at the steps of the Supreme Court: "It's my hope that the term 'gay marriage' will soon be a thing of the past—that from this day forward, it will simply be called 'marriage.'"
8:26 AM PT: Obergefell also talks about the events in Charleston: "My heart is also in Charleston. These past few weeks and months have been an important reminder that discrimination in many forms is alive and well in America... [that] progress for some is not progress for all."
Saturday, April 4, 2015
DELICIOUS Web Find: An Open Letter to Dr. Laura Schlesinger
Something so delightful found at Naked Capitalism, that we just had to share it with you:
In her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger (a popular conservative radio talk show host in the USA) said that homosexuality is an abomination according to the Bible Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, and was attributed to a James M. Kauffman, Ed. D.
________________________________________________________________________________
In her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger (a popular conservative radio talk show host in the USA) said that homosexuality is an abomination according to the Bible Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, and was attributed to a James M. Kauffman, Ed. D.
________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination… end of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman, Ed. D.
Professor Emeritus Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination… end of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
- Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
- I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
- I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual unseemliness – Lev. 15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
- When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev. 1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
- I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
- A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?
- Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
- Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
- I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
- My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman, Ed. D.
Professor Emeritus Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
Originally posted to fly on Thu Mar 25, 2010 at 01:34 AM PDT.
Also republished by Daily Kos Classics.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Deliciously Awful on EVERY level, GYMKATA will suck away all your resistance with the skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate . . . and the power of cheese.
Well, my darlings, I arrived home the other day, after an exhaustive bout of shopping, only to find my youngest and most precious (little Jimmy, jr.), watching something called GYMKATA. With the third cosmopolitan I had at lunch suddenly kicking in, I felt compelled to sit myself down and see what kind of pornography the little demon had infected my clean home with.
Gymkata is so deliciouly awful, so horribly moronic, we're positve that when MGM studio execs greenlit the project, somewhere, trillions of light years away, a planet exploded. Apparently, someone in 1985 thought it would be a great idea to hire Kurt Thomas to headline a movie. (That person is probably living at the Y today.) Young Thomas — a champion gymnast who got stiffed out of an Olympic appearance because of the 1980 boycott — delivers his lines like he just emerged from a coma ten seconds prior to filming.
But beyond our star's’ lack of thespian talent, the real challenge proved to be crafting a suitable vehicle that would showcase his impressive floor routines. Thus, the skill of "gymkata" was born - a hybrid of martial arts and... well... somersaults. This awkward-looking claptrap is shoe-horned into the skeletal framework of a 1957 book called "The Terrible Game" along with a love story where the girl speaks, perhaps, nine consecutive words during the entire film. The cherry on top was bringing in martial arts action film director Richard Clouse, (most noted for helming the Bruce Lee classic Enter The Dragon.) Of course, Thomas is to Bruce Lee what a Barbie Power Wheels is to Optimus Prime.
This laugh-a-minute reimagining of the book, "The Terrible Game" is actually The Most Dangerous Game, as designed by the President's Council on Physical Fitness. It requires the player to run around and climb a rope, and we're told that only a select few can meet this grueling challenge: either world-class gymnasts, like American champion Kurt Thomas, or 11-year olds who've passed sixth-grade gym.
The film opens with an angry white man -- Kurt's dad, (who's apparently playing on the Terrible Game Senior Tour) -- attempting to cross the rope bridge at Camp Snoopy. Villain Richard Norton (we know he's evil because he's wearing Sonny Bono's sheepskin vest from Wild on the Beach) shoots an arrow into Kurt's dad, who falls to his death. Cut to the United States, where the Olympic Games are being held in what looks like a high-school auditorium. American champ Thomas dismounts the parallel bars, and is immediately recruited by the CIA to play The Game, which is held in Parmistan, a mountain kingdom ruled by "the Khan." Kurt will be trained by Princess Ruballi, the Khan's daughter, and even though she spends the first half of the film attempting to do grievous harm to his groin (knee it, stab it, rope-burn it, etc.), Ruballi eventually becomes Kurt's love interest, because she's the only person in the film who's shorter than he is.
Kurt and the Princess white-water raft into Parmistan, where they're promptly attacked by Himalayan ninjas (clad in black Dr. Dentons). Hopelessly outnumbered, Kurt unleashes the secret martial art of Gymkata, and manages to overcome his assailants using the deadly power of Olga Korbut's compulsory floor routine from the '72 Olympics. Once in the capital, Kurt and the other competitors meet the Khan, (apparently a member of The Davy Crockett Hair Club for Men), who explains the rules: Basically, you run around and climb on various pieces of playground equipment until someone shoots you with an arrow. If Kurt wins, the U.S. will be allowed to build a "Star Wars" satellite-tracking station in Parmistan. If Kurt loses, he will be killed in the traditional way: shot with an arrow while playing the "Smack the Mole" game at a Chuck E. Cheese.
The next morning, the Khan announces that Sheepskin will wed Princess Ruballi after the game, with a reception to follow at a Medieval Times restaurant franchise. Then the competitors are off and running. Amazingly, Kurt makes it across the rope bridge without getting arrowed, and enters "The Village of the Damned," (a planned community for the criminally insane.) No one has ever escaped alive from this blood-soaked bedlam, and it is soon apparent why. In short order, Kurt is attacked by a man with a sickle, beaten to a pulp by a pack of Italian grandmothers, and mooned. Finally, the entire populace converges on Kurt, shrieking and waving various farm implements as they surround him in the village square. Fortunately, next to the communal well is the communal pommel horse. Leaping onto it, Kurt manages to kill the axe-wielding maniacs with a quick and deadly series of Magyar and Sivado cross-travel variations.
The surviving villagers give Kurt a 9.2.
The crazed peasants chase Kurt into a blind alley, where, surprisingly, one of the Himalayan ninjas reaches down and pulls Kurt to safety. The ninja then peels back his black mask to reveal that he is, in fact, . . .Kurt's father! (It turns out that he wasn't killed in that fall after all, just maimed.) Their tearful reunion is interrupted when Sheepskin shoots dad with an arrow ...again! Springing into action, Kurt heroically jumps onto a horse ... and rides away.
Sheepskin catches up to our fleeing hero and gives him a well-deserved thrashing. But Kurt cleverly goes into "rope-a-dope," outlasting his opponent until they get to the page in the script where it says he wins. Sheepskin takes a dive, and Kurt proudly rides back into town with Dad, who's been maimed some more, but is otherwise just fine. Now, at last, everyone knows the truth: Sheepskin is a traitor, and Kurt's dad is Rasputin. Oh ..., and Kurt wins The Game -- but it's anyone's guess as to exactly how.
As for my little Jimmy? As soon as Mommy's head gets clear, she's going to start looking into good military schools.
Gymkata is so deliciouly awful, so horribly moronic, we're positve that when MGM studio execs greenlit the project, somewhere, trillions of light years away, a planet exploded. Apparently, someone in 1985 thought it would be a great idea to hire Kurt Thomas to headline a movie. (That person is probably living at the Y today.) Young Thomas — a champion gymnast who got stiffed out of an Olympic appearance because of the 1980 boycott — delivers his lines like he just emerged from a coma ten seconds prior to filming.
But beyond our star's’ lack of thespian talent, the real challenge proved to be crafting a suitable vehicle that would showcase his impressive floor routines. Thus, the skill of "gymkata" was born - a hybrid of martial arts and... well... somersaults. This awkward-looking claptrap is shoe-horned into the skeletal framework of a 1957 book called "The Terrible Game" along with a love story where the girl speaks, perhaps, nine consecutive words during the entire film. The cherry on top was bringing in martial arts action film director Richard Clouse, (most noted for helming the Bruce Lee classic Enter The Dragon.) Of course, Thomas is to Bruce Lee what a Barbie Power Wheels is to Optimus Prime.
This laugh-a-minute reimagining of the book, "The Terrible Game" is actually The Most Dangerous Game, as designed by the President's Council on Physical Fitness. It requires the player to run around and climb a rope, and we're told that only a select few can meet this grueling challenge: either world-class gymnasts, like American champion Kurt Thomas, or 11-year olds who've passed sixth-grade gym.
The film opens with an angry white man -- Kurt's dad, (who's apparently playing on the Terrible Game Senior Tour) -- attempting to cross the rope bridge at Camp Snoopy. Villain Richard Norton (we know he's evil because he's wearing Sonny Bono's sheepskin vest from Wild on the Beach) shoots an arrow into Kurt's dad, who falls to his death. Cut to the United States, where the Olympic Games are being held in what looks like a high-school auditorium. American champ Thomas dismounts the parallel bars, and is immediately recruited by the CIA to play The Game, which is held in Parmistan, a mountain kingdom ruled by "the Khan." Kurt will be trained by Princess Ruballi, the Khan's daughter, and even though she spends the first half of the film attempting to do grievous harm to his groin (knee it, stab it, rope-burn it, etc.), Ruballi eventually becomes Kurt's love interest, because she's the only person in the film who's shorter than he is.
Kurt and the Princess white-water raft into Parmistan, where they're promptly attacked by Himalayan ninjas (clad in black Dr. Dentons). Hopelessly outnumbered, Kurt unleashes the secret martial art of Gymkata, and manages to overcome his assailants using the deadly power of Olga Korbut's compulsory floor routine from the '72 Olympics. Once in the capital, Kurt and the other competitors meet the Khan, (apparently a member of The Davy Crockett Hair Club for Men), who explains the rules: Basically, you run around and climb on various pieces of playground equipment until someone shoots you with an arrow. If Kurt wins, the U.S. will be allowed to build a "Star Wars" satellite-tracking station in Parmistan. If Kurt loses, he will be killed in the traditional way: shot with an arrow while playing the "Smack the Mole" game at a Chuck E. Cheese.
The next morning, the Khan announces that Sheepskin will wed Princess Ruballi after the game, with a reception to follow at a Medieval Times restaurant franchise. Then the competitors are off and running. Amazingly, Kurt makes it across the rope bridge without getting arrowed, and enters "The Village of the Damned," (a planned community for the criminally insane.) No one has ever escaped alive from this blood-soaked bedlam, and it is soon apparent why. In short order, Kurt is attacked by a man with a sickle, beaten to a pulp by a pack of Italian grandmothers, and mooned. Finally, the entire populace converges on Kurt, shrieking and waving various farm implements as they surround him in the village square. Fortunately, next to the communal well is the communal pommel horse. Leaping onto it, Kurt manages to kill the axe-wielding maniacs with a quick and deadly series of Magyar and Sivado cross-travel variations.
The surviving villagers give Kurt a 9.2.
The crazed peasants chase Kurt into a blind alley, where, surprisingly, one of the Himalayan ninjas reaches down and pulls Kurt to safety. The ninja then peels back his black mask to reveal that he is, in fact, . . .Kurt's father! (It turns out that he wasn't killed in that fall after all, just maimed.) Their tearful reunion is interrupted when Sheepskin shoots dad with an arrow ...again! Springing into action, Kurt heroically jumps onto a horse ... and rides away.
Sheepskin catches up to our fleeing hero and gives him a well-deserved thrashing. But Kurt cleverly goes into "rope-a-dope," outlasting his opponent until they get to the page in the script where it says he wins. Sheepskin takes a dive, and Kurt proudly rides back into town with Dad, who's been maimed some more, but is otherwise just fine. Now, at last, everyone knows the truth: Sheepskin is a traitor, and Kurt's dad is Rasputin. Oh ..., and Kurt wins The Game -- but it's anyone's guess as to exactly how.
As for my little Jimmy? As soon as Mommy's head gets clear, she's going to start looking into good military schools.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Saturday, March 7, 2015
A Delicious Work of Genius from singer-songwriter-comedian TREVOR MOORE
Country singer Trevor Moore (a founding member of the Whitest Kids U'Know) details the surprising changes that have taken place in his life since same-sex couples were allowed to wed.Trevor Moore: High in Church premieres Friday, March 6 at 12a/11c.
Friday, February 27, 2015
DELICIOUS Remembers: Our beloved Mr. Spock - Leonard Nimoy (1931 - 2015)
His wife, Susan Bay Nimoy, confirmed his death, saying the cause was end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.
Mr. Nimoy announced last year that he had the disease, attributing it to years of smoking, a habit he had given up three decades earlier. He had been hospitalized earlier in the week.
His artistic pursuits — poetry, photography and music in addition to acting — ranged far beyond the United Federation of Planets, but it was as Mr. Spock that Mr. Nimoy became a folk hero, bringing to life one of the most indelible characters of the last half century: a cerebral, unflappable, pointy-eared Vulcan with a signature salute and blessing: “Live long and prosper” (from the Vulcan “Dif-tor heh smusma”).
Mr. Nimoy, who was teaching Method acting at his own studio when he was cast in the original “Star Trek” television series in the mid-1960s, relished playing outsiders, and he developed what he later admitted was a mystical identification with Spock, the lone alien on the starship’s bridge.
Yet he also acknowledged ambivalence about being tethered to the character, expressing it most plainly in the titles of two autobiographies: “I Am Not Spock,” published in 1977, and “I Am Spock,” published in 1995.
In the first, he wrote, “In Spock, I finally found the best of both worlds: to be widely accepted in public approval and yet be able to continue to play the insulated alien through the Vulcan character.”
“Star Trek,” which had its premiere on NBC on Sept. 8, 1966, made Mr. Nimoy a star. Gene Roddenberry, the creator of the franchise, called him “the conscience of ‘Star Trek’ ” — an often earnest, sometimes campy show that employed the distant future (as well as some special effects that appear primitive by today’s standards) to take on social issues of the 1960s.
His stardom would endure. Though the series was canceled after three seasons because of low ratings, a cultlike following — the conference-holding, costume-wearing Trekkies, or Trekkers (the designation Mr. Nimoy preferred) — coalesced soon after “Star Trek” went into syndication.
The fans’ devotion only deepened when “Star Trek” was spun off into an animated show, various new series and an uneven parade of movies starring much of the original television cast, including — besides Mr. Nimoy — William Shatner (as Captain Kirk), DeForest Kelley (Dr. McCoy), George Takei (the helmsman, Sulu), James Doohan (the chief engineer, Scott), Nichelle Nichols (the chief communications officer, Uhura) and Walter Koenig (the navigator, Chekov).
When the director J. J. Abrams revived the “Star Trek” film franchise in 2009, with an all-new cast including Zachary Quinto as Spock, he included a cameo part for Mr. Nimoy, as an older version of the same character. Mr. Nimoy also appeared in the 2013 follow-up, “Star Trek Into Darkness.”
His zeal to entertain and enlighten reached beyond “Star Trek” and crossed genres. He had a starring role in the dramatic television series “Mission: Impossible” and frequently performed onstage, notably as Tevye in “Fiddler on the Roof.” His poetry was voluminous, and he published books of his photography.
He also directed movies, including two from the “Star Trek” franchise, and television shows. And he made records, singing pop songs as well as original songs about “Star Trek,” and gave spoken-word performances — to the delight of his fans and the bewilderment of critics.
But all that was subsidiary to Mr. Spock, the most complex member of the Enterprise crew, who was both one of the gang and a creature apart, engaged at times in a lonely struggle with his warring racial halves.
In one of his most memorable “Star Trek” performances, Mr. Nimoy tried to follow in the tradition of two actors he admired, Charles Laughton and Boris Karloff, who each played a monstrous character — Quasimodo and the Frankenstein monster — who is transformed by love.
In Episode 24, which was first shown on March 2, 1967, Mr. Spock is indeed transformed. Under the influence of aphrodisiacal spores he discovers on the planet Omicron Ceti III, he lets free his human side and announces his love for Leila Kalomi (Jill Ireland), a woman he had once known on Earth. In this episode, Mr. Nimoy brought to Spock’s metamorphosis not only warmth, compassion and playfulness, but also a rarefied concept of alienation.
“I am what I am, Leila,” Mr. Spock declares after the spores’ effect has worn off and his emotions are again in check. “And if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else’s.”
Born in Boston on March 26, 1931, Leonard Simon Nimoy was the second son of Max and Dora Nimoy, Ukrainian immigrants and Orthodox Jews. His father worked as a barber.
From the age of 8, Leonard acted in local productions, winning parts at a community college, where he performed through his high school years. In 1949, after taking a summer course at Boston College, he traveled to Hollywood, though it wasn’t until 1951 that he landed small parts in two movies, “Queen for a Day” and “Rhubarb.”
He continued to be cast in little-known movies, although he did presciently play an alien invader in a cult serial called “Zombies of the Stratosphere,” and in 1961 he had a minor role on an episode of “The Twilight Zone.” His first starring movie role came in 1952 with “Kid Monk Baroni,” in which he played a disfigured Italian street-gang leader who becomes a boxer.
Mr. Nimoy served in the Army for two years, rising to sergeant and spending 18 months at Fort McPherson in Georgia, where he presided over shows for the Army’s Special Services branch. He also directed and starred as Stanley in the Atlanta Theater Guild’s production of “A Streetcar Named Desire” before receiving his final discharge in November 1955.
He then returned to California, where he worked as a soda jerk, movie usher and cabdriver while studying acting at the Pasadena Playhouse. He achieved wide visibility in the late 1950s and early 1960s on television shows like “Wagon Train,” “Rawhide” and “Perry Mason.” Then came “Star Trek.”
Mr. Nimoy returned to college in his 40s and earned a master’s degree in Spanish from Antioch University Austin, an affiliate of Antioch College in Ohio, in 1978. Antioch University later awarded Mr. Nimoy an honorary doctorate.
Mr. Nimoy directed the movies “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock” (1984) and “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” (1986), which he helped write. In 1991, the same year that he resurrected Mr. Spock on two episodes of “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” Mr. Nimoy was also the executive producer and a writer of the movie “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.”
He then directed the hugely successful comedy “Three Men and a Baby” (1987), a far cry from his science-fiction work, and appeared in made-for-television movies. He received an Emmy nomination for the 1982 movie “A Woman Called Golda,” in which he portrayed the husband of Golda Meir, the prime minister of Israel, who was played by Ingrid Bergman. It was the fourth Emmy nomination of his career — the other three were for his “Star Trek” work — although he never won.
Mr. Nimoy’s marriage to the actress Sandi Zober ended in divorce. Besides his wife, he is survived by his children, Adam and Julie Nimoy; a stepson, Aaron Bay Schuck; six grandchildren and one great-grandchild; and an older brother, Melvin.
Though his speaking voice was among his chief assets as an actor, the critical consensus was that his music was mortifying. Mr. Nimoy, however, was undaunted, and his fans seemed to enjoy the camp of his covers of songs like “If I Had a Hammer.” (His first album was called “Leonard Nimoy Presents Mr. Spock’s Music From Outer Space.”)
From 1977 to 1982, Mr. Nimoy hosted the syndicated series “In Search Of ...,” which explored mysteries like the Loch Ness monster and U.F.O.s. He also narrated “Ancient Mysteries” on the History Channel and appeared in commercials, including two with Mr. Shatner for Priceline.com. He provided the voice for animated characters in “Transformers: The Movie,” in 1986, and “The Pagemaster,” in 1994.
In 2001 he voiced the king of Atlantis in the Disney animated movie “Atlantis: The Lost Empire,” and in 2005 he furnished voice-overs for the computer game Civilization IV. More recently, he had a recurring role on the science-fiction series “Fringe” and was heard, as the voice of Spock, in an episode of the hit sitcom “The Big Bang Theory.”
Mr. Nimoy was an active supporter of the arts as well. The Thalia, a venerable movie theater on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, now a multi-use hall that is part of Symphony Space, was renamed the Leonard Nimoy Thalia in 2002.
He also found his voice as a writer. Besides his autobiographies, he published “A Lifetime of Love: Poems on the Passages of Life” in 2002. Typical of Mr. Nimoy’s simple free verse are these lines: “In my heart/Is the seed of the tree/Which will be me.”
In later years, he rediscovered his Jewish heritage, and in 1991 he produced and starred in “Never Forget,” a television movie based on the story of a Holocaust survivor who sued a neo-Nazi organization of Holocaust deniers.
In 2002, having illustrated his books of poetry with his photographs, Mr. Nimoy published “Shekhina,” a book devoted to photography with a Jewish theme, that of the feminine aspect of God. His black-and-white photographs of nude and seminude women struck some Orthodox Jewish leaders as heretical, but Mr. Nimoy asserted that his work was consistent with the teachings of the kabbalah.
His religious upbringing also influenced the characterization of Spock. The character’s split-fingered salute, he often explained, had been his idea: He based it on the kohanic blessing, a manual approximation of the Hebrew letter shin, which is the first letter in Shaddai, one of the Hebrew names for God.
“To this day, I sense Vulcan speech patterns, Vulcan social attitudes and even Vulcan patterns of logic and emotional suppression in my behavior,” Mr. Nimoy wrote years after the original series ended.
But that wasn’t such a bad thing, he discovered. “Given the choice,” he wrote, “if I had to be someone else, I would be Spock.”
Sunday, February 1, 2015
A movie so deliciouly overheated that (unlike the poster tagline) DELICIOUS asks, "Can anyone ever really be ready for MANDINGO?"
Some movies are just so hysterically bad that they pose the question, "Can there really be too much of a good thing?" Purporting to show us what the pre-Civil War South was really like, Mandingo answers this query: You bet. With more violence, more nudity, more foul language, and more racism than any other flick we’ve ever seen, you’ll hate yourself in morning for laughing yourself silly, but if you put this maximum offender into your home video system of choice, just try looking away.
In the first ten seconds, slave breeder James Mason observes, about a slave starlet, "She’s Mandingo wench. You don’t let just any bud get her," to remind his crippled son, Perry King, of his family obligation. Local doc Roy Poole agrees, saying, "She’s craving, in the bud o’ heat. You pleasure her, she get better." The slave starlet tries to stall the inevitable by drawling to King, "I too black, I not fit for you." Mason settles the matter by stating, "Master’s duty to pleasure the wenches first time."
Then it’s back to the family mansion, where Doc Poole suggests that Mason’s rheumatism would improve if he’d put his feet on black children. So for the rest of the movie, Mason (astoundingly) uses two little slave lads as his foot stools.
King brings home a new stud slave, Ken Norton, another slave to be King’s mistress, Brenda Sykes, and — last but not least — a Southern belle whom King will marry, Susan George. King tells his pa, Mason, that Norton is "hung so big he’ll tear the wenches," then orders Norton to "shuck down those pants!" When the wedding night’s a bust — King sneers at George, "you thinkin’ I don’t know a virgin when I sleeps with one and pleasures?" — King turns to Sykes, driving George into Norton’s bed.
Mason tells George that to win King’s affection back, she should "do dirty things to get him in your bed and keep him there." Instead, George — whose incestuous relationship with her brother is her Big Secret — screams at King about Sykes, "That slut! You like black meat? You’d rather pleasure with a baboon?" and then (there’s more), when George learns Sykes is pregnant, she hisses, "You dumb animal!" and pushes Sykes down the stairs. Later, George discovers she’s preggers and — as the doctor’s wife so eloquently puts it after the delivery — "It come, only it ain’t white."
King cheers us up by promptly poisoning George, then finds the baby’s real dad, Norton. You’re not going to believe this — we didn’t — King settles the score by shooting Norton, then pushing him into a vat of boiling water, and then pitchforking him to death. In retaliation, one of Norton’s pals shoots and kills Mason, ensuring that he wouldn’t be able to overact in the sequel, Drum.
Mesmerizingly heinous.
In the first ten seconds, slave breeder James Mason observes, about a slave starlet, "She’s Mandingo wench. You don’t let just any bud get her," to remind his crippled son, Perry King, of his family obligation. Local doc Roy Poole agrees, saying, "She’s craving, in the bud o’ heat. You pleasure her, she get better." The slave starlet tries to stall the inevitable by drawling to King, "I too black, I not fit for you." Mason settles the matter by stating, "Master’s duty to pleasure the wenches first time."
Then it’s back to the family mansion, where Doc Poole suggests that Mason’s rheumatism would improve if he’d put his feet on black children. So for the rest of the movie, Mason (astoundingly) uses two little slave lads as his foot stools.
King brings home a new stud slave, Ken Norton, another slave to be King’s mistress, Brenda Sykes, and — last but not least — a Southern belle whom King will marry, Susan George. King tells his pa, Mason, that Norton is "hung so big he’ll tear the wenches," then orders Norton to "shuck down those pants!" When the wedding night’s a bust — King sneers at George, "you thinkin’ I don’t know a virgin when I sleeps with one and pleasures?" — King turns to Sykes, driving George into Norton’s bed.
Mason tells George that to win King’s affection back, she should "do dirty things to get him in your bed and keep him there." Instead, George — whose incestuous relationship with her brother is her Big Secret — screams at King about Sykes, "That slut! You like black meat? You’d rather pleasure with a baboon?" and then (there’s more), when George learns Sykes is pregnant, she hisses, "You dumb animal!" and pushes Sykes down the stairs. Later, George discovers she’s preggers and — as the doctor’s wife so eloquently puts it after the delivery — "It come, only it ain’t white."
King cheers us up by promptly poisoning George, then finds the baby’s real dad, Norton. You’re not going to believe this — we didn’t — King settles the score by shooting Norton, then pushing him into a vat of boiling water, and then pitchforking him to death. In retaliation, one of Norton’s pals shoots and kills Mason, ensuring that he wouldn’t be able to overact in the sequel, Drum.
Mesmerizingly heinous.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
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- Helen van Rensselaer
- I'm just an ordinary housewife and mother...just like all you ordinary housewives and mothers out there.